Brassticles (for wrapped_in_clingfilm)

"Hurry up son, you'll be late for school!"

"But daaaaaaddd. I can't. Fuckn balls just caused a fire in my room."


Henry went to school that day because his dad made him go. The whole house ended up burning down. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that Henry got an education. The moral of the story is... always go to school and stop acting like such a baby.

The end 

Good VHTAJ Hunting (for VHTAJ)

So, yeh there's was this kid who thought he sucked at exams and shit, but he didn't suck. I guess you could say he really 'sucked' and determining whether he sucked or not. One day he was at home by himself and he ordered a pepperoni pizza, but it never came... The pizza boy got run over by a dinosaur.

The end

The last dinosaur on earth (for JerkasaurousRexx)

For miles he wandered across the earth, looking for another soul to share his grief. Rexx the dinosaur would cross deserts, climb mountains (which was hard as fuck for him btw) and swim through the vast oceans just for the chance of sharing a connection with another soul. Rexx never found that connection. So he jerked it constantly like he was on a sick day in high school. Like all the time. No wonder he had trouble trying to climb.

The end

Colt the trouble maker (for chieflong)

Colt was such a mischievous little bastard. Always getting up to no good. Had clean teeth though.

The end

Mother.fuckin.pibbface in tha house (for Pibbface)

Have you ever thought to yourself 'I wonder what the best super power would be to have ever?' Well, imagine what you came up with and times that by 200,000,000,000. Then you would have the power of pibbface. Pibbface turned out to be the best super hero in history and one day, pibbface saved the universe from these fucking bastards trying to do evil and stuff. Pibbface was all 'fuck them' and 'POW'....

Pibbface lives in space now. Fuckn mansion n shit.

the end

Beagle Girl (for finnthetimelord)

It was a beautifully warm Summers day and a young girl was walking with her beagle through the woods. They had been walking for several hours when they happened to come across the fountain of youth. Neither the beagle nor the girl even thought twice about drinking from its sweet, life breathing nectar. Mainly cuz they didn't have a fucking clue it was THE fountain of youth. There was no label on it or anything so they didn't know... Yeh. So, they just kept strolling through the woods. The girl even got a sprained ankle when she stood on a rock but she's ok now.

The end

The failed job interview (for Studded_ninja)

So this dude walks into a job interview wearing no clothes.

"Get the fuck out of my office." cried the interviewer.

"Fine, I don't want to work for you if you're going to be a judgemental prick." retorted the interviewee.

The interviewee went on to become the CEO of Yahoo.

The end

The monster between the cusions (for idobis)

Lewis hated when his parents got into arguments. Mainly because after they were done they would both just start yelling at him. Fuckin bullshit. Like he did anything wrong. So Lewis found a hiding spot. One where he could escape to and never get yelled at. And the best part??? Fuckin super friendly monsters lived there too!! yehw!! (this was under Lewis' couch btw). So, one day Lewis' dad came home drunk as fuck so Lewis decided to hide :) His monster friend Balgzor was eating fairy bread...

"Hi Balgzor, mind if I share that fairy bread with you?"

"Ok Lewis, but I must warn you, this bread is laced with heroin."

Lewis was never seen again.

The end

Racoon Reggie (for xcrea)

Racoon Reggie lived in this tree outside this really expensive white mansion. One of those buildings that is old as fuck but still looks nice you know? Anyways, Reggie couldn't speak english or do anything normal like humans could. But he wanted to. Don't ask me why... he just did. So one day Reggie just waltzed into this mansion on his two hind legs, not giving a fuck about anything. He jumped up to one of the seats at the dinner table and just started eating food like a human. Fuckn butler even came up and started serving him food. Weird right? And the family at the dinner table, they were so rich and up themselves that they didn't even notice... stupid fucks.

The end

Sleepy Sunday (for Pa7h-OlO-gic)

So there was this little kid with a blanket... kept looking all over the house and shit for somewhere to catch forty winks... only problem was... fuckin pillow was in the washing machine so he had to use other shit... He tried using a towel... but it was wet... typical. Then he tried using his Nintendo 64... but he couldn't sleep because one of the controllers was sticking in his ear... fuck... finally, he tried the last thing left in his room... the fish bowl... the kid ended up drowning.. dafuq kinda person tries sleeping with their head under water. PS. This all happened on a Sunday FYI.

the end